What was it like inside your household when you were young? For better or for worse, you were being taught what a marriage looks like. Whatever dysfunction existed in your home, this was your picture of marriage. So, how can you have a healthy marriage relationship if you've never seen or have been taught what one looks like?

Here is a picture of what a healthy marriage looks like. No one gets it right all the time, but the closer a marriage is to the descriptions here, the stronger and healthier it will be.

Individuals who are not yet married should take their time to understand each of these. Dating or married couples should openly discuss each of these, with freedom and honesty. Don't make excuses to get better "points" from this list, but use it for understanding and growth. As couples, it is important that you don't use this list to attack or blame the other person, but it should be something you use to improve your contribution to the relationship.

1. They can disagree without raising their voices.
2. They accept criticism from each other, and try to make changes.
3. They are both strong Christians, and one does not have to push the other in their relationship with God.
4. The man is the spiritual leader.
5. They admit when they are wrong.
6. They say sorry, and even ask for forgiveness, when they wrong the other person.
7. They resolve conflicts quickly.
8. They don't focus on the other person's status or money or influence - they don't have hidden agendas.
9. They are honest with each other.
10. Their handling of money is healthy.
    • If married, everything they own is joint, including bank accounts, the house, the cars, etc.
    • Money does not change they look at or respect each other, whether lack of money or plenty of money.
    • They discuss purchases with each other in a healthy way.
11. They set aside their own desires for the benefit of the other.
    • They work on compromises, especially for activities the other person enjoys.
12. They don't give the other person reasons to be jealous or possessive.
13. They are not jealous or possessive.
14. They pray for each other daily.
15. Parents and family members don't have too much influence.
16. They have fun together, both at home and out and about.
17. They enjoy each other's company - they like each other.
18. They can talk easily with each other, and one does not dominate the conversations.
19. They listen to each other.
20. They forgive quickly when the other errs.
21. They are not demanding physically - they are loving and patient physically.
22. They feel safe around each other.
23. The man protects the woman, and the woman respects the man.
24. They never stop giving, even when tired.
25. They consider it a privilege to receive anything from the other - they don't have rights, but privileges.
26. They regularly complement each other.
27. They don't bring up issues or mistakes from the past.
28. They try hard, and take responsibility in their success as a couple.
29. They lift up their partner in public, both when present and when apart from each other.
30. They don't flirt or pay unhealthy attention to others, even famous people.
    • They seek the attention of their partner, and don't need attention from others.
    • They don't spend private time with members of the opposite sex besides their partner.
31. They have the guts to resolve issues quickly.
32. They can talk about anything without the other person agitating them.
33. They spend time together - quantity and quality.
34. They hold hands, and touch each other in tender ways. They touch to bless the other person, avoiding selfishness.
35. They keep in regular contact with each other.
36. They don't vacation apart expect for special occasions.
37. They are willing to do almost anything for the other person.
    • They will climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest sea - metaphors to how they see each other.
38. They want to come home to each other.
39. They try to get involved with the other person's interests, even ones they are not particularly fond of.
40. They don't overtalk each other - they are quick to listen, and slow to speak.
41. They are content, and happy, with each other, despite imperfections.
42. They don't regularly get angry with each other.
43. They don't go to bed with unresolved conflicts or tension.
44. They both have healthy views of themselves, but also work to give each other healthy views of themselves, e.g. with trust and compliments.
45. They are not too possessive with each other - they allow the other to have interests different from theirs, and to have freedoms.
46. They both have a positive view of things - to have a healthy relationship, they need to have a healthy life.
47. They stand in their own circle when there are conflicts - they look at themselves to see why there is an issue, not at the other person.
48. They know the other person's spiritual gifts and love languages, and are sensitive to those.
49. They eat together.
50. They don't compare their lives, circumstances, money, family, etc. to others.
    • You cannot win, if you view life as a competition.
    • They don't negatively comment about others weaknesses (e.g. weight, looks, finances); they don't make fun of others.